Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Another Do Over!

I believe in "do overs". For several years Justin, Sarah, and I have practiced them together. Usually, when one of us is really grumpy and we know it, we request a "do over". We all put our hands on top of each others and count1-2-3 and then shout, "DO OVER!". And if one person doesn't seem to be into it, well we just do our little do over all over again!

Guess who gets the do over? Yes, that's right, it's me! Except there's no shouting and cheering today and I haven't invited Justin or Sarah to join me. Today I started over (again) on my eating healthy plan. I have been undergoing the Lord's discipline in this area of my life. I think I could write an entire novel on it, but I'll spare you today.

I have mentioned Titus 2 several times in previous posts and am still captivated by Paul's words of instruction for the older women to teach the younger women. There are seven things that Paul instructs the older to teach the younger:

1) to love their husbands

2) to love their children

3) to be self-controlled

4) to be pure

5) to be busy at home

6) to be kind

7) to be subject to their husbands

On July 1st as a matter of fact, I underlined each word in my Bible and stopped and thought of my own life. I entered them into my journal and wrote just a few thoughts out. When I got to self-control I inwardly cringed. Not a great area for me. It seems I have a pattern that has vacillated between shopping a little too much (for another blog entry for sure) and for eating unhealthy food and too much of it. I have struggle off and on with this sin; as it is an area lacking in self- control, off and on all of my Christian life and before. My prayer was that the Lord would grant me a repentant heart that I could truly see this area of my life as sin and turn from it to Him.

Since July 1, I have given this matter in my life great thought-too much thought probably. I have asked the Lord why I do this to myself, what got me to where I am, and how in the world will I ever get back to where I need to be! The answers have come slowly. Honestly, there was an attempt at the South Beach diet and that lasted through breakfast, ha! I even thought of staying away from all sugar again for a period of time....I needed to reign myself in you know?
And there lies the problem. This self-control isn't about ME controlling myself, it's about me submitting to the Holy Spirit and crying out (Psalm 107) to my Maker to help me to be transformed to the image of His Son for His purpose and glory. (see 2 Corinthians 3:18) I have to continually remind myself that self-control is not about me, it's about saying no to the deeds of the flesh through the power of the Holy Spirit.

It's such a hard lesson. My flesh wants to be me centered and not God centered. It's screaming, "No, I've got this one. I have done it before, I know what to do. Just let me take another shot" But my loving Abba Father says, "No daughter, come to me in your weakness, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. For when you are weak, I am strong." 2 Cor 12:8
It's the Gospel, the good news that causes my spirit to rest! If it were left up to me, my life would be in complete shambles, but Jesus Christ has saved me from my sin!

So today, day #1 of my "do over" which is not yet over by the way; I have followed my little eating healthy plan because it helps me stay on track and be accountable for what/how I am eating. But I know that the only way that tomorrow will become day # 2 on my eating healthy plan is if I lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord (Provers 3-5 apmplified)
to sustain me when I have to say no to my flesh and yes to the Spirit. For me, it's a minute by minute confessing my weakness before the Lord and believing on Him for the strength to press on.

My hope is that through this process of learning self-control, I will learn how to live a more God centered life that will prepare me to live in His presence in preparation for an eternity with Him.

Until next time,


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